Since taking on my role as a community organizer at Center for Health Progress, I’ve been grappling with unfamiliar questions and terminology everyday at work. I came from a 25-year career in health care. I worked as a nurse providing direct patient care in many different settings and served on the director team. Clear processes and procedures, guidelines, and regulations are highly valued in that environment and over the years I was promoted and praised for the ways that I excelled in these areas.
And here I am in my new role, where I’m constantly being challenged to analyze and evaluate my values, beliefs, and assumptions. This requires me to develop an entirely new approach to understanding the issues in front of me. These things feel a lot more fuzzy, complex, and personal.
One question that I’m still struggling with is, “are you power hungry?”
When I first heard the question, I thought, “what does that even mean??” I thought of power in a negative light and something I was not interested in, because I did not want to have a negative influence over others.
I’ve been trying to differentiate between examples of people who exploit power, and my own desire to have power over my life.
Do I want clean drinking water?
Do I want to have power over my own health care decisions?
Do I want a say over how my tax dollars are used?
The answer to all these questions is yes. These simple questions help me realize that I do want power.
Power can be defined as the ability to act, or the ability to make a difference.
Personal reflections on power
Reflecting upon my own experience with power, I was taught to respect people who hold power. But people in power are not always acting in my best interest.
As a child, I believe I had many positive experiences with people in power and those that served as authority figures in church, school, extra curricular activities and sports. And I know that I have been taught to trust those authorities to make decisions for me–so much that it’s still difficult for me to see how those decisions were not always in my self-interest.
I grew up in a household that valued honesty, family, and education. My parents were bilingual, yet they didn't teach us Spanish as they feared we would struggle to learn, or that we’d be ridiculed and teased by other children. My parents made this choice with the best intentions, but I did not have power over a decision that has impacted many aspects of my life. I have not been able to communicate with my patients and colleagues in the most effective way. When organizing with our leaders who are monolingual Spanish speakers, I rely on interpretation, and I wonder how our connections and understanding would be different if we could express ourselves through shared language. When I was working in health care, I had colleagues that didn’t see me as Mexican-American or Latina and I assume that’s because I don’t speak Spanish. I have since met many people who share a similar story about not learning Spanish and how their parents’ decision continues to impact them in many ways.
As a patient, I’ve felt powerless over my own care; despite knowing what medications I needed and when, our for-profit system prevented me from accessing that care. When I changed insurance plans, I was denied medications for treatment of two separate chronic conditions. One medication was completely denied and another was delayed by three months while I waited for a certain type of approval. And in the end, that medication was $350 out-of-pocket. These experiences were not only frustrating, but they had real impacts on my health.
Getting out of my head and into my gut
When I reflect on these instances, I realize I am power hungry. It’s not my intellectual understanding of these experiences, but the feelings inside me that point to a hunger for power.
The consequences of not building power is to continue to be at the mercy of those who hold power; those who prioritize profit over my health and wellness.
I want power! I want power to make decisions about how I live my life. I cannot change things unless I have power.
I know that I need to build power with others; this is not work I can do alone. I’m building power with others in Pueblo, so we can live in a society that reflects our values and allows us to be in our full humanity.
The consequences of not building power is to continue to be at the mercy of those who hold power; those who prioritize profit over my health and wellness.